Which One of Your Children Do You Love the Most?

            Yesterday I was interviewed about the Good Neighbors programs. There were questions about how we got started, who was involved, how the various components of the program were determined and developed, and our next challenges. At the end of the interview I was asked – What part of the Good Neighbors program are you most proud of? As people close to me know, I am immensely proud of the internship program. One of our stated objectives from the beginning discussions in 2006 was to provide a vocational exploration experience for college interns. We sensed that working with young children in this environment could be a life-changing event for the college interns.

            I had been working on several items related to the interns when I got the call to talk about the Good Neighbors history. Since the interns were on my mind, my reply to the question was – I think that if I could only pick one thing, it would be the internship program.

            Shortly after the interview was completed I began to reflect on my answer and realized I couldn’t leave that as my complete answer. So I called back and said – I’ve been thinking about your question and need to say more. I can’t pick a single piece of the program and say… that’s the part I’m most proud of. That’s like asking me which one of my children I love most! After thinking about it, I have to include the Peace Education Enrichments we have built in to the curriculum. This came as no surprise to my questioner since she knows how committed I am to teaching and modeling living peaceably in our world to the children.

            But that still doesn’t say enough. There are many parts of the Good Neighbors Enrichment program that need to be talked about – bragged about, and celebrated! And here are just a few:

·         The Reading Buddy program – almost 90% of the Good Neighbors kids either retain or improve their reading levels over the summer. Less than 50% of the children (nationally) who have no summer enrichments retain their reading levels over the summer.

·         Writer’s Workshop 

·         Nature Education

·         Peace Education

·         Cultural Diversity/Global Education enrichments

·         The Theatre program with our Roanoke Children’s Theatre partner

·         Healthy living activities – eating well & living an active life

·         Arts and crafts programs

·         The internship program

·         Growth from 65 kids in 2008 to 160 in 2011

·         Committed partnerships with churches, schools and community organizations

·         Active participation by nearly 200 volunteers

The list could go on and on. And this is just about our Summer Day Camp program. Did you know? We also provide sack lunches and weekend backpacks for children attending summer school at three schools in Bedford County and three in Franklin County. And, we have a small in-school mentoring program at Moneta Elementary School and Dudley Elementary School.

So – asking me which part of the Good Neighbors program I am most proud of cannot be answered with a simple answer. It is like asking me which one of my children I love most - you better sit down; this may take a while!

Busboys and Poets - More than a place to eat...

Sarah and I recently had dinner at Busboys and Poets in Shirlington, Virginia. Our daughter and daughter-in-law introduced us to this unique place. In addition to great food and a unique atmosphere, you are exposed to the creative arts, peace advocacy and ideas about environmental sustainability. These themes come from the life and writings of Langston Hughes.

During dinner a slide show of quotes was projected on a large wall. One of the quotes caught my attention and captured what I sometimes feel when I am weary or discouraged:

There are times when I think I can’t go on. Then I look in to the face of a child and… I change my mind.

Sally's Story and More...

The Story of Sally and More…

In October of 2010 I wrote about a child I called Sally. The story was about how Sally was learning to handle her anger. The basis for the story came from a call I received from her principal who told me about how Sally – age 6 - was learning to apply the things she learned at the Good Neighbors camp when she got angry. It was affirming and exciting to hear this story.

And, the story continues. We invite children who attended camp the previous year to return to camp the next year. The letters inviting these kids are mailed in March and to reserve a place families are asked to call me. Almost immediately I received a call from Sally’s mother. She wanted to reserve a place but also wanted to tell me how changed Sally had been at home. She talked to me for 10 minutes telling me how Sally was helping at home, how she had many fewer times of being uncooperative and angry and how grateful she was for the influence our program had on Sally’s behavior. This is the same child who frustrated all of us last year; who was taken out of her group nearly every day to spend time with Shearer, our Camp Director! Her mother thought we should know how important the program is to the kids and their families. Thank goodness we were patient with Sally last year and kept her in camp.

Sally is currently in our 2011 program. When our lead intern and our camp director saw that she was returning, there was a look of apprehension on their faces; a look that said… “we’ll see how she works out this year.” Well – Sally is a model camper this year. She does model the Good Neighbors behaviors we teach and has literally not been a problem even once at camp. We love having her with us and she will certainly be invited back for 2012. I am still amazed!

Sally is not the only child who has changed since being in the Good Neighbors program. Another mother called me about registering her son for the 2011 program. Unfortunately, she had not completed the registration forms by the time the Franklin County camp started and we were already full. She then told me that James’ teachers were amazed by how different he was when he returned to school last Fall. They said his behaviors were like the difference between night and day. She then told me how much he loved camp and how badly he wanted to return. Although the Franklin camp was full, we had vacancies in the Bedford camp and I suggested that she enroll him in that camp. It is a long trip from their home in Franklin County to the Bedford camp but I told her that if she could get him there we would love to have him return. The story has a happy ending – James is in our current camp, in our new group of 5^th and 6^th graders, and loves it; his mother is grateful and has sacrificed to get him to and from camp every day.

Because we have many returning campers we get to see changes in many of them from year to year. Some kids who were difficult to manage in the past remain that way, and sometimes we are not able to keep them in camp. But, those of us who work with the same kids each year do see many of them who are changed. One of the boys in the 2010 camp had fairly serious anger problems, especially towards his brother. We worked with him lovingly and patiently, but firmly, last year with mixed results. We were able to get him involved with Unbridled Change, one of our enrichment providers during the Peace Education week, and he attended programs at their facility during this past year. They are a wonderful resource for helping people with anger management issues, among other things; more about them later. This young man is back at camp this year along with his brother. He is a changed kid and a very Good Neighbor.

And then there are two other boys that come to mind. One was in the 2009 camp, missed 2010 and is back this year. Although he is a minor distraction at times, his behavior is much more positive than before. Another boy from 2010 had regular “melt downs” and I was concerned that he would continue those behaviors again this year resulting in dropping him from the program. We are two weeks in to the current camp and he is still with us. As a matter of fact, we have seen none of his old behaviors.

Can SML Good Neighbors take credit for the positive changes in these kids? We will never know for certain how much credit can be given to the Good Neighbors program, but I have a strong sense that we are a very positive presence in the lives of many children. Conversations with parents, teachers and principals confirm this sense.

I hope everyone who contributes their time, effort and money to the Good Neighbors program will join me in celebrating the lives of the children. We are fortunate to have this opportunity to make a difference in the lives of children like Sally; I thank you for being on this journey with me.

Planting Seeds in Fertile Ground

Planting Seeds in Fertile Ground

I received a call last week from a school principal. She wanted to share a story – actually a testimonial – about one of our young campers from the 2010 program. Those who worked with this child will know her name even though I am not using it in this reflection. For this purpose I will just call her Sally.

Sally was brought to the principal by her teacher. She was having a serious problem with controlling her anger. After a cooling-off period of silence, the principal asked Sally about the problem and then asked her how she might handle things differently when she gets angry. Sally thought about the question and then responded – “Well, in camp this summer they taught me to take a deep breath when I start to get angry, and then count to 10 and take another deep breath. Then I should think about the words I say before I say them.” The principal asked, “What camp are you talking about?” She replied, “The Good Neighbors camp.” The principal took Sally back to her teacher, told her the story about Good Neighbors and asked her to give Sally prompts like she learned in camp anytime she begins to get angry.

The principal, who is a strong supporter of the Good Neighbors programs, was truly thrilled, and surprised, by Sally’s answers. To say the least, I was thrilled to hear the story. It isn’t often you learn about results of your efforts so soon.

This is a remarkable story. I would not have picked Sally as a child who learned anything this significant in the Good Neighbors program. She had just turned six years old in May and even seemed young for a six-year old. At times she was moody, uncooperative, displayed anger toward other children and was a behavior problem for her interns. As a last resort, she would be taken to Miss Shearer, the camp director, as punishment. And, she made many trips to spend time with Miss Shearer who worked patiently with her during the entire four-week camp.

One of the overarching themes during the camps is about living peaceably with one another. The interns, staff and volunteers model civility, respect, and good neighbor values in all interactions with each other and the children. This “way of being” is so important to us that the enrichment programs during the second week of camp (see the blog from week 2) are focused on Peace Education. I have wonderful memories and images (in my mind’s eye and on my computer) of Elizabeth, Alice Ann and the other interns teaching the children about the “anger escalator” and the “anger spectrum.” I can hear the kids say – “when I am really mad I go Ka Boom.” And then all the talks and puppet plays about what to do so you won’t go Ka Boom. All of this was reinforced in the work with the Roanoke Children’s Theatre who taught the kids theater skills using the theme – The Peaceful Child. And, they got even more reinforcement about the values of working together, solving problems peacefully together, listening to each other and respecting each other when the staff of Unbridled Change came to camp with two ponies and a horse to help teach the kids these skills. Who would have thought that you can teach such community-building skills with horses?

You never know when something you say, a behavior you model, a kindness you extend will make a difference. It is easy to see the effects of unkind, uncivil, angry, impersonal behavior. But, the impact of loving, patient (but firm) behaviors may take years to see. Sally’s story affirms for me the value of placing so much emphasis on the Good Neighbor value of living peaceably with ourselves and others.

Seeds of peace were planted in the fertile ground of a six-year old girl this summer; I can only wonder at how many other children were similarly affected. And, I would be remiss if I didn’t confess that these seeds of peace were also planted in my soul.

Reflections and Observations from the 8th Week of the 2010 Good Neighbors Summer Day Camp

On Friday, August 13^th, we ended the 2010 SML Good Neighbors summer programs. These last four weeks at Trinity Ecumenical Parish were terrific. The church is a great location for the Franklin County camp. And, the hospitality shown to the Good Neighbors organization by TEP is was exceptional. Our original plan was to use one of the elementary schools in Franklin County. When this couldn’t be arranged the church council approved our request to use the church. We used almost every part of the church except the sanctuary and I hope we left the building and its rooms in good order. It is always our goal to be Good Neighbors no matter where we operate our programs.

This camp had over 50 children registered. The maximum number attending was 46 and the average attendance was 37. These children came to us from three elementary schools: Dudley E.S., Burnt Chimney E.S. and Windy Gap E.S. Many of the children had attended the 2009 camp and several have been in the program all three years.

Highlights – Week 4 of the Franklin County Program

· Let me begin with the last day – Friday. We followed our regular daily rhythms during the morning. But, the afternoon was different. The Roanoke Children’s Theatre staff worked with the children in the early afternoon to rehearse the program they would present for families and friends. About 1:45 families, friends, volunteers and supporters began arriving in the fellowship hall. We had set up chairs for 100 people thinking that we were being optimistic. By 2 o’clock we had run out of seating. Volunteers began taking chairs from the storage racks as the crowd grew. We counted about 150 guests in attendance. When you add the children, the theatre staff, interns, etc. there were nearly 200 people at this closing celebration. The children were amazing and the crowd loved the “Cooking It” musical presented by the theatre staff and the children. It was a WOW performance. And – there was the strong message about good eating choices! After the musical performance, the children, led by the theatre staff, sang one of our favorite songs that we learned as part of our peace education program. The words are worth repeating since they capture the core of what we try to teach and model for the children… So you be you and I’ll be me/that’s the way it’s supposed to be/and we’ll live, you and me/(clap, clap) together differently. These words seem to be imprinted in my mind and on my heart. I believe these seeds were sown in fertile ground in the children this summer.

· After the performance by the children, we got to say goodbye to our interns. Actually, I don’t plan to lose contact with them; they are now family! It was clear to me from the reflections they shared at this celebration, the comments we heard from families and volunteers, and the interactions with the children, that bonds of love and affection did form between the interns and our community. We have all been blessed.

· Earlier in the week, Lisa Bowman, principal of Dudley Elementary School, visited the camp. Many of the kids are from her school and they were excited to see her. Lisa is a strong supporter of our programs. I can’t overemphasize the importance of close, working relationships with the schools. We are fortunate to have Lisa as a partner.

· Angela Massino completed two videos about the Good Neighbors programs. Both of them can be accessed through our web site: www.smlgoodneighbors.org The are excellent at telling the story of the day camps and the internships. This was Angela’s second year with us; now I have to find a way to have her return for a third year!

· We asked families to complete a survey about the Good Neighbors experience for their children. I could fill several pages with quotes but will settle for just a few:

“My child has picked up a book to read for the first time in a longtime without me telling her to do so.”

“My son loves this program! I don’t know what we would do without it!”

“Her enjoyment of the camp counselors and the volunteers has enriched her life and helped show her “People do care!” Life can be happy and whole.”

“I think this program is terrific. Every day my son comes home with a smile on his face and so much to tell us. He has benefited from the interaction with other kids and his continuing learning of reading and writing. He has learned new songs that have become our nightly entertainment at home.”

“It was so nice to hear my boys singing camp songs and wanting to read to me instead of me begging them to.”

Comments like these from families affirm our mission. And, they help remind me why we have been gathered here, in this place, at this time, to do this work.

· Finally, I will end with several photos of life with the children during the last week of camp. After a brief pause, we will begin preparing for 2011.